Ok, so I’ve been holding my tongue on Burger King…but enough is enough already. It really should go without saying that the Burger King guy is just weird. The one where “the King” is peeking through the bedroom window? A little creepy. From there, we saw a glimmer of hope with the Whopper Freakout ads…they weren’t great, but at least we got rid of The King. But, a good thing just can’t last…so next , Burger King trots out Hootie…Hootie! Yes, as in the Blowfish…in a jingle that would make Old Navy cringe.

All of that was bad enough. But wait…it gets worse. Now, we have the “Whopper Virgin” ads. Watch below, if you dare…

So…lemme get this straight: is Burger King really admitting that they have to travel to the far reaches of the planet…to the most uncivilized pockets of humanity…in order to find someone who likes their food?

This “Whopper Virgin” taste-test…will that finally convince we Consumers to buy the Whopper? I mean, if a Transylvanian Sheep-herder who lives on rice and pond-water likes it, why on Earth, pray tell, wouldn’t we? After all, if HE likes, and I don’t, then clearly…CLEARLY…I’m the one with the problem.

I’m starting to miss The King.

What they’re really saying is that the average consumer is too smart and can’t be fooled. So, they’re off to find a moron or two, shove some burgers at them, and, thus, “prove” their point.

(Sigh).

This all goes to show that there really is no substitute for having a truly good product and backing it up with sincerely good service. In the absence of those two things, no amount of advertising tom-foolery is going to help.